Something for everyone

I wish I had traveled before going to grad school.

I wish you would dump your douchebag of a boyfriend. He treats you like an animal. No one likes him. I will never like him. And if you stay where you are for him, I won't be friends with you anymore.

I wish you would dump your stupid girlfriend. Nothing against her really, except for the fact that your relationship is at a stalemate and you don't have the confidence to dump her and be on your own for a while. That, and the fact that I think we'd make a much better couple.

I wish your life amounted to more than just some kid you've been dating for a month. I also wish you'd stop texting me about your sex life with him.

I wish you'd fucking pack your shit and move out of Arkansas. Soulmates.

I wish you wouldn't go to Hawaii. But I am happy you get to explore your dreams.

I wish you weren't so goddamn successful. I wish you knew what it's like to struggle, even if just for a short amount of your life.

I wish you had told me to wait, or that this program wasn't exactly for me. I could have done without the 4 months of "where do I go next?", plus the 8 months of constantly feeling inadequate.

I wish you cared more about the Czech Republic, its fashion culture and connection to national identity.

I wish your life was more organized so that you'd be in here by now. I also hope you're not settling, but as long as he's a good guy, I guess it's okay.

I wish you weren't moving. Even though I knew it was inevitable.

I wish you didn't care about being in a relationship so much. You're a lot more fun when you're single.

I wish you cared more about your weight, and what you ate. I wish you'd try fish and eat more chicken, give up the Coke, the candy, the chop meat. I wish you cared more that every day I get worried I'm going to see you drop dead on the subway.

I wish you didn't bitch and moan about your job so much. Yes, you are overqualified in an underpaid, under-appreciated position. But you're the one who always tells that any situation is what you make it. I wish you'd follow your own advice.

I wish you weren't such an asshole to people. People like you whether or not you're an asshole. I also know that deep, down inside, you're not really an asshole. So why do you act like one?

I wish you had just answered my questions.

I wish that you'd call me. There's so much I have to tell you. There's so much you have to tell me.

I wish you'd shower more often. Because then I would consider dating you.

I wish you didn't sound like such a bitch every time something came out of your mouth. You have a wealth of knowledge, people could really benefit from it.

I wish the train didn't "cock-block" me so much, because then we could hang out more. I really like spending time with you guys and doing cultural things.

I wish you'd quite your job. I also wish I understood why you haven't already.

I wish you would just be yourself. It's why I became friends with you in the first place.

Sometimes, I wish you didn't have a girlfriend, even though I like the girlfriend you have right now. I guess really, I wish there were more guys like you out there.

Dirty Hippie

I just need to chill the fuck out, concentrate on myself and get through life so I can do everything I really want to do in life.

Fuck those above me. They don't run my shit.

Everything works out in the end. Even though it's a useless degree, at least it's a degree.

It'll be all right. You'll see.

Tomorrow

Is another day.

Space and Time

I never seem to be in the right one at the right time.

I always meet these guys, see, great guys, guys I really mesh with, creative types with stable lifestyles and big hearts. And it's always the same deal - either I'm leaving, or they are leaving.

I sometimes wonder what it all means...like, does it mean I'm going to be alone for a while, since I can never seem to sit still for very long? Or that I need to work extra hard, chronicle my priorities? You know? Like, if that person means that much, do I drop everything just to be with them? Or do I take care of me first, and the person I'm meant to be with will eventually fall into place? If I'm meant to be with anyone at all?

I've come to the conclusion that long distance does not work unless prior plans are somehow arranged. Take, for example, my sister and her boyfriend. They have never spent more than a month together in the same place, between college and jobs. They've been dating for three years, long distance all through, and it's worked. Why? Because they knew once certain goals were met, that they'd be moving in with each other and starting a life. She's moving in April and as dismayed as I am, I know it's actually going to work for them. It hasn't been easy, but it could have been worse.

Take, for another example, my relationship with Sean 2. We admitted our feelings for each other one week exactly before I was to leave Charleston, potentially forever. The summer before my study abroad, we visited each other twice. Once abroad, things were a little difficult because he didn't like talking over the phone or on Skype, and I was busy anyway. We broke up while I was there because I realized, this is not going to go anywhere. We hadn't been dating long enough to figure out what would happen when i returned - I was in New York indefinitely, and he had a house and a good job in Charleston. Neither of us was keen on being where the other one was. So it had to end.

If we had a plan though, if I was moving back to Charleston or he to New York, or somewhere not even known at the moment, I think it would have potentially worked. We broke up because we weren't going anywhere, not because we stopped liking each other.

And now, there's this kid. Just met him, knew him less than 24 hours, and yet, I want to get to know him more. We had this weird sort of vibe, you know? This connection, things happening happenstance but we were drawn to each other because of it. I like him. I don't even know him, but I know enough for the first stage. He doesn't even live that far away, it could be workable.

Except that he's moving to Hawaii for six months, doing a workshop on transformative photography. After that, he might move back to Philly, or he might get a commission to travel the rest of the world doing what he loves.

I commend him for his efforts. It's not like I can really be upset that he's leaving - he's doing something awesome, something creative, something that has incredible meaning for him and something that is going to help (and possibly) change the world.

I just wish we could have gotten to know each other a little better, is all.

I feel like life throws things like this in our general directions, just to see our reactions. Meet someone you like, have a small amount of time to do something about it, GO! So what do I do?

Try, try as much as I can.

At least it gives me a good reason to visit Hawaii...

Celebrity stalking

Is it weird that the last thing I do before going to sleep is surfing the net for news about Ed Helms?

Yeah.

Didn't think it was.

I am convinced that if we ever met, he'd fall madly in love with me.

Even though I know in REALITY that this would never happen, it does help me sleep at night.

Success

My closest friends will always be more successful than I ever will be.

And eerily enough, I'm coming to terms with that.

Why?

Because ultimately, I'll be the one with more adventures...until said friend becomes Senator but even then, he's no celebrity...whereas celebrities can do anything and get away with it, one public slip-up and you're DONEZO in Politicsville.

Plus, I know people who are doing more meaningful things anyway...not that being a Senator is less meaningful, but you do uphold a certain lifestyle with which your main monetary funds are funneled into RE ELECTION RE ELECTION RE ELECTION. Then what good is it?

I want to be free. I want to be educated. I want to explore, and I want to see places for what they really are...not just some 24hr political front.

Yeah, I'll do alright. I've got good regular friends, and I'm working as hard as I can. Sure, it's shit right now, but I'll be alright in the end. Dennis is the anomaly - everyone else is normal by comparison. He's remarkable, but he's never lead a normal life. He doesn't know what it's like to struggle, he doesn't know what it's like to fail. Some people are just born like that.

Others, experience.

I think the kind of life worth living is the kind you can write stories about. I've got tons of stories, from tons of places, all different and exciting.

Dennis writes letters.

I think, I win.

Never enough TIME

I must clean my room, do my laundry, finish my stitches and probably, I should be doing some research.

I just have no motivation to do ANY of it.

If we lived on Mars, there would be about 682 days in the year. I think we could definitely plan the work week so that there is at least a three day weekend.

Why DON'T we think in terms of a larger, universe time-scheme?

In other news, I'm still in love with Ed Helms.

Always, and forever.