Space and Time

I never seem to be in the right one at the right time.

I always meet these guys, see, great guys, guys I really mesh with, creative types with stable lifestyles and big hearts. And it's always the same deal - either I'm leaving, or they are leaving.

I sometimes wonder what it all means...like, does it mean I'm going to be alone for a while, since I can never seem to sit still for very long? Or that I need to work extra hard, chronicle my priorities? You know? Like, if that person means that much, do I drop everything just to be with them? Or do I take care of me first, and the person I'm meant to be with will eventually fall into place? If I'm meant to be with anyone at all?

I've come to the conclusion that long distance does not work unless prior plans are somehow arranged. Take, for example, my sister and her boyfriend. They have never spent more than a month together in the same place, between college and jobs. They've been dating for three years, long distance all through, and it's worked. Why? Because they knew once certain goals were met, that they'd be moving in with each other and starting a life. She's moving in April and as dismayed as I am, I know it's actually going to work for them. It hasn't been easy, but it could have been worse.

Take, for another example, my relationship with Sean 2. We admitted our feelings for each other one week exactly before I was to leave Charleston, potentially forever. The summer before my study abroad, we visited each other twice. Once abroad, things were a little difficult because he didn't like talking over the phone or on Skype, and I was busy anyway. We broke up while I was there because I realized, this is not going to go anywhere. We hadn't been dating long enough to figure out what would happen when i returned - I was in New York indefinitely, and he had a house and a good job in Charleston. Neither of us was keen on being where the other one was. So it had to end.

If we had a plan though, if I was moving back to Charleston or he to New York, or somewhere not even known at the moment, I think it would have potentially worked. We broke up because we weren't going anywhere, not because we stopped liking each other.

And now, there's this kid. Just met him, knew him less than 24 hours, and yet, I want to get to know him more. We had this weird sort of vibe, you know? This connection, things happening happenstance but we were drawn to each other because of it. I like him. I don't even know him, but I know enough for the first stage. He doesn't even live that far away, it could be workable.

Except that he's moving to Hawaii for six months, doing a workshop on transformative photography. After that, he might move back to Philly, or he might get a commission to travel the rest of the world doing what he loves.

I commend him for his efforts. It's not like I can really be upset that he's leaving - he's doing something awesome, something creative, something that has incredible meaning for him and something that is going to help (and possibly) change the world.

I just wish we could have gotten to know each other a little better, is all.

I feel like life throws things like this in our general directions, just to see our reactions. Meet someone you like, have a small amount of time to do something about it, GO! So what do I do?

Try, try as much as I can.

At least it gives me a good reason to visit Hawaii...