Success

My best friend is 22 and is one of 12 people on Hilary Clinton's personal staff. I'm not talking, he fetches her coffee and does her nails - the motherfucker is her personal correspondent. If she needs something written, he does it.

Talk about success, man.

I've always aspired to be famous and successful. My real aim is to make it into a textbook somehow - have kids all over the world read about me, and what I did. Doesn't even have to be something good - maybe I'll kill some people?- but I'd like to not go into obscurity. I think that's my biggest fear, to go unrecognized for my accomplishments. It seems so easy for everyone else to be admired, why not me too?

I don't think people take me seriously, for a couple of reasons. I'm short, so everyone automatically thinks I'm sixteen, and what does a sixteen year old know? I also have short hair, and it is a proven fact that people don't listen to ugly people's ideas. People are far more apt to listen to an attractive person, whether or not they actually believe what they are saying. Take the great head-butters, Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan - no one gave a shit about the latter, but people actually started making changes when Steinem hit the scene.

I'm not very attractive, at the moment. I used to be - I used to be really hot. But then I got this cockamaymie idea to cut my hair like a pixie. It was cool, for a while, until it started growing. I didn't have the funds for the upkeep, so I'm letting it grow out, but it's tough, man. Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. Lesbians are cool, sure, but it doesn't help you get laid when the small population of men I am exposed to think you are one. I haven't been on a good date in a while. During the whole of 2009, I went on 3 dates. You count 'em, 3. And only one of them was really any good.

I definitely blame it on my haircut. Men are driven by attractiveness - women, security. How am I supposed to lure in a rich, eligible bachelor when they all think I eat pussy?

Back to success though.

I'm not a memorable person either, it seems. This began when I was in high school - I'd get bit parts in the school plays, and when my friends would come to see me, they'd ask, "So who were you?" Despite the fact that American's have the attention span of a fish, I'd say anyone would be able to recognize me if they tried.

College was a bit better, but that's because so many kids did not give a shit that it was easy for me to succeed and get shit done. Still, I was never trumped up enough for scholarships, grants, etc.

Grad school has by far, been the worse. I only have about 5 teachers, and they never seem to remember anything. Or maybe, it's just selective memory because they aren't interested in the things I want to do. They only have about 35 students, mind you, but I suppose that's too many to remember for 5 people. I always have to remind them of what I'm working on, why I want to talk to them, what I emailed them about...it gets annoying after a while. I'm not saying they should know every little thing I do, because I don't want them to. But I hate repeating myself as it is, and you know what it says to me when someone doesn't remember something we are supposed to talk about? That you don't care. I know you must have a million other things you are doing, but at the same time, the things I email you about aren't that hard to remember. And the feeling sucks, big time.

So I've tried to establish myself any way I can. I do things with local societies. I apply for grants. I go out of my way to make extra work for myself in hopes that some day, someone will think "Wow, you are a very successful individual." So far, no dice. I suppose I have a while to go, but even so, the point of being successful for me now is so I can reap the benefits of my success throughout my lifetime.

Because that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I believe true happiness is.